I haven't write here in ages..... 

I'm not really sure why. I come here often, especially on days I felt nostalgic and sentimental. But I just don't write here. And I absolutely do not know why.

Maybe the simple reason is I outgrow this space. Maybe I am just not the same person when this blog was created. But that's crazy excuse right? I created this blog, I wrote here for years for god sake, I am THAT person, but at the age of 25 (well few more days to go!), I loathe yet miss the person this blog belongs to. Of course, I have always hate myself, that's an obvious statement, but no, I just hate the naivety the person this blog had. I wrote about the fights I had at school, I wrote about my first real crush for boys and I wrote about my real feelings. For what Tasha? You know no one really cares right?

It's 2020, and you're still here on Earth, just this big, lump of sadness going through motions and phases of life with breakdowns here and there and survive on dark humor and oppa. You thought when you're older, all your angst and repressed feelings will make sense somehow, but it doesn't, my sweet innocent child. You are just you, albeit a bit mature. Maybe that's the reason you're still you I guess.

Your night owl habit stays the same, coffee doesn't even faze you now and only makes you want to pee a lot. Ribena? Yeah, you still got giddy whenever you drink it. Listen kid, you will lose a lot of people in life. And I know this gonna hurt you (and still hurts you lmao), but mostly it's because of you. People ALWAYS leave. So don't, please don't let the door open, ever.

But I don't think you ever got over your first crush though. It was stupid right? You liked him by yourself, you cried for him by yourself and you leave him by yourself. At least if you ever confess to him, I won't call it a foolish crush, but you didn't, so urm, yeah. Well, technically you did talked to him through texting (in a very creepy way like wtf), but yeah, that was weird too right? Haha, even thinking of it now it sounds funny. I guess what makes it harder for you was the moment he got accepted into UTP. It was ridiculous right? Can't lie, God really gotta be playing with you at that time lol And you were young, you were impressionable and you're just a hopeless young adult with a high school-turned-campus crush and it was crazy. It was a whole ass rides really.

But yeah, I don't know, these days, I miss having someone to like. Although you get hurt from liking someone, at least you feel happy when you start to like someone. You have reason to wake up, you have reasons to feel hopeful, right? Working life and adulting doesn't really let that feeling squeeze in. In working life, you're expected to already have a stable partner and figure everything up by now. I guess we're just always one step behind huh?

Tasha, on the days it hurts, I hope you know, I hope you really know, that you are enough. You're really enough. Maybe one day someone will be there for you and you will accept it and feels at peace finally. But until then, try to hold on okay? I know it is so lonely out here, but you have things to do.

You are not weak, you've made it till today.

You're enough.


Love,

Tasha