Bismillahirrahmanirrahim,

Yesterday, was my best friend's birthday. Yesterday, was the day my best friend left KL.

Honestly, up until to this point. I still don't believe it. It's like everything is like always and Atul is at Kampung Bharu and tomorrow I will wear my school uniform and meet the girls and laughing our ass off about biases and complaining how stressful SPM is and how irrelevant SPM is compared to our biases. And we're gonna hang out on weekends to some karaoke place and belt our high notes out until we have sore throat and laugh on each other while drinking bubble tea.

Life sucks, don't they?

When you just starting to get a grip on momentum of life, just when you tell yourself you're ready to become adult and you convince yourself what could have possibly gone wrong and then it happened. It freaking happened like a Korean drama.

This is not the first time, but why it still hurts? I have witnessed too many people leave my life that I don't think I would still be affected. But, no, it still faqing hurt. Like it was the first time all over again. The betrayal feeling, the longing feeling. A fresh wave of pain washes me all over again.

The more you love, the more it hurts. I have loved too much, that's what I conclude. Because I have been hurt too much, I depended on my best friends desperately. Because I only have them, because only they understand how I feel, because they know what's on my mind. Because I'm not a hypocrite when I'm with them, because I flip out my blatant sarcasm in front of them. Because these people understand why I adore Henry Lau so much.

It will still be the same, aite? Senawang is not that far from KL aren't there? What is mere distance to our connected hearts? We have Skype, we have WhatsApp, we have KTM. Nothing could keep us apart. We could still hang out together. I still could treat all of you to Dubu-Dubu when I got my March pay. We won't drift apart, we won't stop talking to each other, we won't be mere strangers in the future. We won't, we won't, I promise.

Ah, life is so frustrating really.

I won't let this friendship die. I would fight for this one. Like I always did. I will fight for Nur Atiqah. I would fight for Hazatul Fitriah. I would fight for Intan Nurshahira. I would fight for myself. For what supposedly is mine. I won't let anyone interfere.

Even while I'm writing this, I felt hot tears prickling my eyes.

I told myself that some dust gets into my eyes.

Lies, I'm crying like a fool. Like a fool, like a fool.

I truly hate goodbyes. I really faqing do. I really do.

Hazatul Fitriah, I will kidnap you to KL. I love you, bij.



Being adult, is truly tiring.