this will be a long post . so , read if you want . and this is not an emo post , emalin . xD btw , GURR , U GOING TO SEE BEAST ?! ASFSDKJJNKLLK

lately , i am having this self - confidence issue with myself . lol . i don't know either . must be the lack of things to do in my life that i start thinking ridiculous things . oh , tasha !

i know , i am not pretty . and i'm not cute either . i am lacking in so many things . of course , nobody is perfect except jung yunho , kim jaejoong , shim changmin , park yoochun , kim junsu because they are awesome just lik dat. but , i can't help to look at myself and sigh at my imperfection .

i know i'm not graceful like other girls . i'm so careless that it is unbelievable . i trip over nothing . i fell down from stairs and got hurt . i always bump into things even in my house . i am too hyper . i babble random things that people don't understand . i am weird . i have weird habit . and i do weird things . and i am what you malay kids called " korea celup " . and i'm short . and my height just increases one freaking cm from last year .

sometimes , i just think my parents deserved a better daughter than myself . i'm not a good sister either . my brother deserved a better sister . i can't cook . i tried to do housework but sometimes i think i just messed up the house . i'm not a really good friend either . i mean , if i am , why would my old friends left me right ? i must have offend them that they don't want to be my friends anymore .

i am such a fragile person . plus , i am crybaby . and when i'm mad , i try to hide it , but , people would know anyway . and i get jealous easily . that's the only thing i managed to hide . lol . i just have a lot of emotion . xD

i'm not that smart either . people said i am a nerd . see , i care a lot what people think about me that it became a problem to myself . haha . I DAAAA NAAAAAAA -

personality - wise , i am not that good either . i hope i can be more religious . because at this rate in my life , i think i'd done a lot of sins rather than deeds . and obviously i want to enter heaven and meet my wildan ( aka boy angel ) . xD

and i always act like a pompous child . people never know why i developed that habit . being pompous is just a way i used to shield myself from others hurtful word . i'm too used being make fun of in my childhood that it doesn't hurt anymore . which one of the reason i don't trust boys my age . which lead me to become socially awkward . but , hey , i'm cool with people that cool with me . haha . people who knows me knows my pompous habit . some didn't like it . they said i should stop using words like hebat and awesome to describe myself . do you know what hurts more than that ? when your own best friends said that thing in front of you .

they really think i am that vain . they didn't realise that vain is just an act to shield myself . of course , i find it is quite amusing to be vain . xD but , i don't really mean it . it was just for fun really . i'm done acting humble and people making fun of me . besides , i am truly awesome , anyway . HEHE .

i really truly believe everybody is beautiful in their own way . and i find other people ignorance in their choice of words is irritating . so , next time you talk , really , use words that do not offend others in any way . and i think a person is truly beautiful when they have self - confidence and accept themselves the way they are . afterall , beauty is in the eye of the beholder .

i hope someday i will manage to increase my self - confidence too . and hopefully by writing things that i'm lacking in , i will manage to accept myself . and the new year is coming , i shall change for the better . and thank you , to all those people that came and go in my life . at least they came , right ? and those who is still staying in my life , i hope you won't go , but , if you go , idk , just don't go okay ? xD

and why i'm writing this long ? i think i should go out and play more . xD

and BISHES , GO OUT OF THE WAY , HOMIN IS COMING BACK ! :D

P.S ; i am now addicted to fanfic . MY LIFE !

Mood ; s a t i s f i e d -