You know, sometimes I think I want to give up living. More than that, I despised myself when I think like that. I tell myself over and over again how ungrateful I am to wish for such a blasphemous thing. It doesn't necessarily means I have suicidal thoughts, it means I want to give up everything that I had work hard for. To think about it again, had I ever work hard enough on everything?

In a sense, I think the world doesn't even need me. I am one person from billions. It depressing to think so, but it is true. I think I am such a burden to people around me. I am a failure. Big time failure. Sigh, self-esteem, why we are doing this again?

I have been feeling like this these few days. But, today probably hit me the most. There was an incident this morning that happened coincidentally involving my belongings. I was not even there. But, I somehow feels that it was all my fault. I felt so sorry. I even going to cry. I covered it up by saying because my stomach was empty, so I was emotionally unstable. Liar.

I didn't mind people teasing me. Because I tease other people a lot. So, it was natural if people tease me back. Then, I will throw my sarcastic comeback. But, whenever people tease me about my place, I would just shrugged and stay quiet. Because I feel like I didn't belong there and when they tease me, it was sort of a mocking to myself.

I don't know. I feel so useless right now. Self, why are you like this? I think I'm breaking up all over again. And the worst part is, I don't even know why.

You know what this blog have become? A complaint blog, that's it.

Mood : s a d -