It just dawned upon me. I have no time. No, like seriously, I have no time. I shouldn't be writing this post right now too. Everything is a crazy mess. And I, in any way, am not trying to complete it. All I want to do is lie down and give up. I know, I know, this is so not Natasha Eliyana. But, I can't help it. I lost it. And the thing is, I don't even know what did I lose. Sanity? Friends? Intelligence? Emotions? Heart? Maybe all?

Just a side note, if you see me listening to How Can I by HoMin a thousand freaking times like right now, there must be something wrong. Really really wrong.

Next week will be the death of me. I have two competitions that will make my head explode like you've never seen before. I really really hope next week will fly like a G6 because if it's not, I might lose my sanity.

It dawned upon me too. That I am so secretive. I won't tell people anything about my feelings. But, the thing is, I don't hide my feelings too well. People know what I am feeling, but, they don't know what made me to have that feeling. So, they will try to cheer me up, but, in a wrong way.

One more thing, me, smart? Yeah, right. I actually never think I am smart. All those bragging are empty lies anyway. I am happy when I got good results, but, I never think it is enough. I know I can do better, but, I just shrugged it off and brags about my results. I am freaking insecure, man. Sometimes, when I am in my class, when we were studying, all I do was staring at the white board and didn't understand a shit. Then, I realised I am still stupid. I am never smart. When I was small, dad used to lock me in a dark bedroom if I did not study at 8.00PM. No kidding, bro. Locked in a dark room where the only light available is from the lamp post outside the house is not a pretty memory. Trust me, do that to your child and they will turn out to be a smart ass like me. Dad used to make me complete a thick book full of mathematics exercises when I was six. The book is a Standard One exercise book. When I finished that book, I was strutting everywhere with the book and dad smiled and bought me candies. Haha. I was so cute back then. xD

Friends? I don't know, man. I don't think I am a good friend. I have a lot of friends. But, just when I started to rely on them, to trust them, to love them so much, they will do something that ruins my trust on them. And I think sitting with an inanimate object for hours is more exciting than with a person unless you are jung yunho of course. At least, inanimate objects don't judge me.

I am getting way too carefree nowadays too. Like when I still have homework, I will be ignoring it and do other things. So irresponsible, man. My health are degrading too. I keep getting coughs and flu. Headaches sometimes. And fever is the worst. Kay, Jung Yunho, marry me, so, I will never get sick again.

Ah, it good to vent out everything, I guess. Sorry if it bothers you. I am fine. Really. LOLJK I am not fine. I have thousands things to do with so little time. Cheers from you will probably help me a lot. So, yeah, do cheer me up. I love you, everybody! :D

Oh yeah, I found my crush's blog. HEHE. Yeah, I practically sleep at 1AM yesterday reading his blog. Boy, he need to stop cursing and he is freaking rich, man. So freaking rich that the sports he plays are tennis and golf. How insane is that? I only know how to play badminton and netball. Haha. And he has a lot of admirers and did not realise it. Stupid dude. If I am him, I will flirt with all girls all day long. But if I am Jung Yunho, I will only flirt with Kim Jaejoong. LOLOLOL Yunjae stan baybeh.

Random note, I practically turned koperasi into a club yesterday. Blasting High High by GDTOP on the computer's speaker in koperasi. LIKE A BOSS. Kak Yan, the koop's assistant didn't even bother to tell me to tone it down. Haha. I love Kak Yan. :D

Ya Allah, please help your little servant to face all the challenges coming. Give me strength, smiles and positive mindset. Help me, ya Allah. AMIN.

Mood : w o r k i n g -