Bismillahirrahmanirrahim ,

it's been days . i have a lot to write . but , all i did was write , erase , write , erase . since when i have this sense of uncertainty ? i wonder that a lot .

PMR ended days ago . naturally , i shall be partying until the late of dawn every single day . but , i just don't feel like it . i wonder why .

this week had been a total wreck for me . i felt very moody at school for no reason . no , don't blame my hormones . this is not the " time " of the month .

a few days ago , at school , a friend of mine came to me and ask my ronggeng plan . i told her i was still planning when the real truth is i never plan anything . she asked me to join for an outing on tuesday next week . i replied with a ' i'll ask my parents first ' . then , she said the outing is a reunion while smiling broadly . my heart started aching . then , she said that name . that name that i really do not ever want to hear again . under that name , nine of us united . that one name that i cherished so much before . i faked a smile for her and said ' we'll see ' .

truthfully , i really do not want to go for the outing . even though , i know the outing will be very fun . we'll laugh like we used to , we will hold hands like we used too . but , somehow , i know , i will cry again later that night while hiding myself in the blanket with Ribena in my hand . yes , i'm a crybaby . i only realised it a day before PMR started . i cried bucket of tears at school that day . well , at least i realised it . Haha .

and to top it off , this week's weather is very warm . and extremely warm weeks came with a present for me which is flu . and my flu won't get better for weeks even if i take the medication .

i don't know how the others feel when they read this . so , i'm sorry if this post hurts you . i'm sorry that i'm this kind of person . i'm sorry if i spoil your mood .

even this one post took me three days to wrote as all i did was writing and erasing . i will write more soon . i don't know what is the name for this kind of feeling . i feel so messed up right now . maybe i'm in my shock phase because PMR already end ? only Allah knows , right ? ;D

Mood ; i n d e s c r i b a b l e -